There are Two Kinds of People in the World …

... People Who Put People Into Neat Categories And People Who Do Not.

I say that, of course, with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. And yet, at the same time, I dare put forth this theory: there are two kinds of people in the world – people who need answers and people who need questions.

Don’t hear that as a criticism; for me, it’s simply anecdotal truth. Over the years, I’ve observed it in others but mostly I recognize it in myself. I was shaped by a strong conservatism – social, political and theological – and I still see the value of conserving healthy values and productive practices. I freely confess that I am conservative: I tend to take the same route to the same grocery store where I know where things are. I like the brands that I like and resist changing what I’m used to unless there is some really good reason for it.

But then on the other hand, I’ve long seen this bold liberal streak in me. If something can be done a more efficient way then I say: “Go for it.” When introduced to new ideas, I’m curious; I want to know more and if I see value in new thoughts, I’m happy to adjust my beliefs or change my mind. So don’t hear my thesis as a criticism because I realize I am at the same time a person who yearns for answers and a person who thirsts for questions. 

In my own journey, as I have outgrown my childhood assumptions, it has been the questions that have saved my soul. Since I am a minister, the concept of “soul saving” may need some unpacking: when I talk about salvation, I’m using an ancient understanding that speaks of healing and wholeness. So for me, the salvation of doubting, questioning and challenging represent a kind of rescue from smallness, arrogance and mediocrity. Questions open up the world. Questions open up my internal space. Questions may not accomplish wholeness by themselves but I believe they lead us on a path toward a more complete, holistic way of being in the world. But even as I firmly believe all of us are multi-faceted, "both-and" humans, I also hold to my theory: some people do questions better than others. 

When I was a minister serving in local congregations, I used to train my youth workers: “Your job is not to give our young people answers; especially your answers. Your job is to help them ask good questions; to find their best questions.” A few years ago, when I saw another church in the neighborhood post a sign in its front yard: “Come here for the answers to your questions,” I wanted to rush back to my church and post a sign that said: “Come here to question your neat answers.” My theory stands; I’m pretty sure some people would be absolutely repelled by my message while others would be intrigued and relieved to find such a safe, wide place.

But then I think about my other statement: “There are two kinds of people in the world: people who put people into neat categories and people who don’t.” It seems to me that putting labels on one another often tempts us to think we have them all figured out; that in turn tempts us to judge them. All of which is fruitless and foolish. Not to mention a completely inadequate way to be in relationship with anyone else.

As I do my work these days with the Coffee Party USA (one cyberspace effort to foster civil conversation around social and political issues), what I am recognizing (yet again) is that there are many, many thoughtful, generous people in this country whose lives are sparked by curiosity. There are many who share my thirst for questions. But I'm also seeing (yet again) how very easy it is to ask questions with our answers already in view. And I'm seeing how very easy it is to judge other people for both their answers and their questions. Our national dialogue is often contentious, suspicious and cruel.

Instead of judging and categorizing, how about we figure out how to give people permission to be on whatever journey they are on? Whether we prefer questions or answers, whether we are male or female, whether we are gay or straight or black or brown or white or blue or red or old or young, how about we figure out how to let each other be? And how about we figure out how to be patient and kind toward those who haven’t figured this out yet?

            We all are on our own journey, proceeding at our own pace, and no two people are ever in the same place at the same time. We are toddling along and I know for me, it would have done no good for anyone to force the questions before I was ready; I believe the right questions come in their own time. But what has done a huge amount of good for me is to have people in my circle who live life large and love me/accept me even in my smallness; even with my baby steps. It has been a huge relief to find in other people a wide place where questions are safe.

As we all continue to figure out how to be in relationship with each other in this fractured and fragmented society of ours, how about we figure out how to love.
Love life, love the questions, love the answers, love the journey, love one another. In the passionate words of Maya Angelou:

We are weaned from our timidity


In the flush of love's light

           we dare be brave…

Charlotte Vaughan Coyle, 2014

Charlotte explores intersections of faith, culture and politics from her place as a Christian minister, a student of culture and a political observer with Coffee Party USA.

Maya Angelou poem: Touched by an Angel